THAT MOM...38

THAT MOM CONFESSIONAL

I really want to like making sugar cookies with my kids.  But honestly it makes me a little (you can read that A LOT) bonkers!
If you know anything about me, you know that I love details, have infinite amounts of patience, and am mad about orderliness.  OK.  No one was fooled, I know.  I am the opposite of those things.  So right off the bat, I should not make these cookies.  Even just me, let alone involve other individuals that might have attention spans of your average 4 or 8 year old.  But they are really yummy, so like having a baby, you forget the pain until you are in the middle of it again and wonder why you keep doing this.  So here it is, your...

RECIPE FOR LUNACY
Step 1--Initiate:  "Who wants to make cookies?".  Enthusiasm all around.  Dylan, "I'll get out the cutters."  Micah, "I want them to have pink icing."  They immediately start pulling everything out of that cabinet because the supplies are stuffed way in the back...kind of like the pain that was shoved way to the back of my brain.
Step 2--Reality:  Me, "Hold up.  We have to make the dough first.  Dylan, why don't you start gathering ingredients?"
Step 3--Conflict:   There is usually some scuffle as to who sits on which side of the mixer and whose turn it is to pour in the baking powder.
Step 4--Defeat:  The dough is mixed.  But the devastating blow..."It needs to chill in the refrigerator for at least 3 hours."
Step 5--Renew Interest:  "OK girls, the dough is ready to roll out."  Dylan, "Awesome, I want to put sprinkles on."
Step 6--Repeat Reality from Step 2:  "We have to roll it out, cook it, let it cool, make the icing, color the icing, spread the icing, THEN come the sprinkles"  You can see how all of these steps are not a good fit for me.
Step 7--Scold:  "Micah, get your feet off of the rolling pin"  "Dylan, quit licking your fingers"  "Girls, let me get them all cut out and then you can eat the dough"
Step 8--Cook:  First batch goes in the oven.  Cook.  Pans cool.
Step 9--Repeat Renew Interest from Step 5:  "Girls, are you ready to cut out some more?"  "No, we are playing on the computer."  "No, I have this math homework I would rather do."  "Get over here, we are making cookies" (frustration is mounting)
Step 10--Repeat Cook from Step 8:  Cook and then lay out all the cookies to cool.
Step 11--Repeat Renew Interest from Steps 5 & 9:  "Time to make the icing, girls"  "Ugh, do we have to."  "YES, yes you do.  This is bonding time!!!  AND YOU WILL LIKE IT DANG IT"
Step 12--Grit teeth and Carry  On:  Icing is everywhere, frustration is overflowing from all directions.  They are frustrated because the cookies keep breaking or that they can't make them look pretty (and believe me the bar is set very low of what acceptable appearance is at this point anyway by me...if there is any icing at all on the cookie and not on the dog, that is a win).  I am frustrated that we have 12 steps here (irony?) and it has not resulted in cookies in my mouth yet.
Step 13--Sprinkles (AKA Breaking Point):  Why has no one in the sprinkles manufacturing industry come up with a solution to the poorly designed dispensing mechanism.  People...we have got to have smaller holes on these things.  I have one that doesn't even have holes...it is wide open.  Listen, children love to sprinkle; parents hate it.  Find a way to to make them less of a disaster and bridge this gap already.  If there is a cure for small pox, can't we all work together to solve this world crisis?  So this is where THAT MOM loses it.  No one wants to finish, dogs are hiding under the bed, husband walks in and says, "There sure is a lot of screaming going on in here over cookies"
Step 14--Amnesia:  "Wow these cookies are good, we should do this again!"